Bella Gone Mad !
by Snow White and the Seven Vamps
Summary: instead of bella being all in control she is really loopy xx read story to see what she does xx
1. DINOSAUR!

Bella's lost it

I AM BORED I AM UNDER JASPERS PROTECTION !! COS STUPID EDWARD !  
(flashback)  
bella; But why edward!  
edward; look i told you if you skateboarded down the stairs i would do this!  
bella; MEANIE edward; sorry love is for your own good bella; says who the 107 year old virgin!  
edward; you nearly broke both your legs!  
bella; hey how was i to know that my bouncy ball after 5 year just happened to be there!  
edward; you shouldnt have done it !  
bella; (sulks)  
edward;i am goin huntin jasper will watch you bella; (cries)  
edward; love whats wrong?  
bella; i'm scared of dinosaurs edward; jaspers not a dinosaur bella; is too!! he likes to eat people !!you remember my birthday party you practically cooked me for him!  
edward; THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT  
bella; yeh sure so all go get eatin by the dinosaur (sniffs) goodbye  
(end flashback)  
bella; now you know why am bored -sigh-  
rosalie; why you talkin like there are people here  
bella; DONT RUIN THE MOMENT hmmm ooooohhhhhh jassssssspppppppeeeerrrrr  
jasper; oooohhhhhh belllllaaaaaa  
bella; well i was wondering.  
jasper; NOOOO bella; you didnt even know what i was gonna say YOU EVIL EMO DINOSAUR jasper; for the 100th time VAMPIRE V.A.M.P.I.R.E  
bella; whatever dinosaur (gets ipod) omg JASPER!  
jasper; what?  
bella; do you know ke$ha?  
jasper; no why?  
bella; she wrote a song for you hit it emmett emmett; kaii sis (cranks up tunes)

bella; DI NO SA U R a dinosaur, DI NO SA U R a dinosaur and OL DM AN your just an old man hittin on me what? you need a cat scan

Old man why are you staring at me?  
mac on me and my friends its kinda creepy you should be prowling around the old folks home come on dude, leave us alone

at first we thought that it was kinda eww and we saw that you were like a billion and still out tryna make a killin get back to the museum!

DI NO SA U R a dinosaur, DI NO SA U R a dinosaur and OL DM AN your just an old man hittin on me what? you need a cat scan

a dinosaur baby your prehistoric a dinosaur thats what you are a carnivore you are my meat i know a dinosaur thats what you are HA

(speaks) yeh your pretty old -laughs-

not long till your a senior citizen and you can strut around with a sexy tank of oxygen honey, your toupe is falling onto your left side get up and go bro , oh wait your fossilised HA

Then you offered me a martini Walk away with your hips with in sinking Then you say, Honey wanna come with me I'm about to barf seriously

DI NO SA U R a dinosaur, DI NO SA U R a dinosaur and OL DM AN your just an old man hittin on me what? you need a cat scan , thats what you are HA!

a dinosaur baby your prehistoric a dinosaur thats what you are a carnivore you are my meat i know a dinosaur thats what you are HA (repeat a couple of times)

DI NO SA U R a dinosaur, DI NO SA U R a dinosaur and OL DM AN your just an old man hittin on me what? you need a cat scan thats what you are HA!  
(repeat a couple of times)

the song finishes bella; (bows) thank you, thaank you  
jasper; (Dry sobs) (runs away)  
bella; you'd think my mood would make him happy  
emmett; yipp


	2. funny times x

(chapter 2)  
bella; OMG DUDE I HAVE AN IDEA WHERE ARE YOUR BATTERIES emmett;in that drawer over there bella; cool pulls out battery (edward burssts in) edward; NOOOOOOO bella; too late (licks battery)  
emmett; hahahahahahaha bella; ewwwww battery yucky edward; -sigh- such a weird child bella; (Cries) you are so mean EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN (Carlisle walks in)  
carlisle; son its not her fault she was dropped on the head as a child edward; erm she wasn't carlisle; in that case....................good luck (walks away)

edward; BELLA bella; EDWA-AHHHH (falls down stairs)  
edward; OM- (squek) erm bella bella; yeh?  
edward; what was that noise bella ; my new boyfriend edward; show me bella; (pulls out rubber duck) meet squekers edward; (smirks)  
bella; ARE YOU DISSING SQUEKERS!  
edward; (sarcastic) of course not bella; good. YOU KNOW BETTER BEATCH edward; (stunned)  
emmett; -laughs- good one sis

bella; (crying)  
alice; whats wrong bella?  
bella; edward........dissed...........squekers alice; what did he say!  
bella; i sed squekers sed if you are mean he will kick his ass and edward said; whats a stupid rubber duck going to do he isnt real bella so get over it alredy and i was all like DONT DISS SQUEKERRRRSSSS and he was like i just did and emmett went away shocked and here i am still crying at how m-mean h-he i-is (cries agen)  
alice; its okay EDWARD edward; ITS EDWEIRDIAN LORD OF THE MARTIANS alice; I DONT CARE WHY DID YOU DISS SQUEKERS edward; BECAUSE HE's ADOPTED bella; NOOOO DONT LIE NINJA edward; I TOLD YOU THAT IN SECRET!  
bella; i dont care you MUFFIN LOVING NINJA edward; NOOOOO MY LIFE IS RUINED!! (pulls brown bag over head and runs to room)  
bella; dont worry squekers i shall avenge you!!!

emmett; BELLA bella; (runs in with squekers) WHAT!  
emmett; i finally completed the game i got last week so i decided to install the wii bella; yayy oh and squekers ses you rock emmett; aww he rocks too!! lets make mii's bella; YES emmett; hmmm lets see (5 mins later) see it looks just like me bella; shame it dosent have fangs oh well emmett; yeh bella; oohhh my mii rocks now to make one for squekers emmett; yeh bella; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH emmett; WHAT!  
bella; they dont have any duck mii's (sobs)  
emmett; (dry sobs) why nintendo whyyyyyyyyyyy bella; am complaining (phones nintendo)  
nintendo; hello how can i help yo-  
bella; WHY NINTENDO WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY nintendo; whats the matter bella; you never made any duck mii's how it my boyfriend squekers gonna play now!  
nintendo; haha kid very funny bella; ARE YOU DISSING SQUEKERS nintendo; -laughs- YES bella; YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY NINTENDO RUE THE DAY!  
bella; (hangs up) (rubs hands together) ruee the day!! 


	3. colourful revenge

(chapter 3 )

bella; Emmett........eeemmmmmmmmmeeeeeeetttttt.....EMMETT  
emmett; (runs in) WHAT  
(jasper appears)  
jasper; HA got you emmett so your it!!! (looks at bella) DEMON CHILD (runs away)  
bella; he calls me the weird child at least am not an emo dinosaur  
jasper; (calls from distance) VAMPIRE!  
emmett; so what do you want since ave been caught stupid jasper  
bella; i know how to get back at nintendo!  
emmett; how!  
bella; remember that advert for oasis juice  
emmett; what one  
bella; the one with the two girls and the giant duck  
emmett; yes?  
bella; well lets get that big duck put it at they're office and put a speaker in it sayin ' hello am squekers am no joke so who's laffin now beatches.  
emmett; erm one problem.  
bella; what?  
emmett; i kinda tried to get that duck ages ago but it burst and i hid it in the nintendo celler  
bella; emmeettttttt your no fair  
emmett; but I HAVE A PLAN  
bella; go on emmett; lets send them a giant present and when they open it paint sprays everywhere and it goes on for like ten minutes!  
bella; YESSSSSS

(later at nintendo)  
guy 1; hey guys we got a present yaayyy  
guy 2; who's it from  
guy 1; theres no note  
guy 2; oh just open it  
everybody; 3 2 1 (paint goes everywhere)  
girl 1; MY NEW SHOES  
girl 2; I JUST HAD MY HAIR DONE  
girl 3; I HATE THE COLOUR GREEN  
everyone else; SHUP  
guy 1; hey theres a note at the bottom  
guy 2; read it  
guy 1; hello nintendo, i told you i wasn't kidding and nobody and i mean NOBODY disses Squekers!!! lots of hugs and kisses bella, emmett and squekers xxxxx :)  
guy 2; oh man

(back at home)  
bella; now what do we do  
emmett; laugh at what alice told us happens  
bella; ok -laughs for 5 mins-  
bella; emmy bear am still booredddd  
emmett; i have an idea  
bella; go on  
emmett; let go mattress surfing  
bella; no edward banned that which caused me to use a skateboard and well that didn't work as well  
emmett; evil party pooper  
bella; ano thats what i said  
emmett; ok erm what about ice skating?  
bella; ok lets go

(at ice skating)  
bella; OWW emmett; we've been on the ice 2 minutes and you have alredy fell 15 times how does that work?  
bella; i'm a clutz ?  
emmett; ano bu- BELLA WATCH OUT  
bella; AHHHH  
emmett; i told you to watch  
bella; what happened  
emmett; edward  
bella; where  
emmett; over there he threw a donut at you  
bella; (bubbles) w-why?  
emmett; you revealed his ninja identity he is annoyed so he decided to come and throw donuts  
bella; i am so getting him professional help  
emmett; lol yeh  
bella; erm emmett why are we the only 2 in the ring apart from edward cos hes a 'teenage mutant ninja turtle'  
emmett; haha edward looks like hes gonna explode  
bella; yeh MWA HA HA HA HA anyway why we the only ones?  
emmett; theres a show- an ice show  
bella; uh oh  
emmett; just improvise  
bella; ok  
(they skate and bella dosent trip- nah am kidding - she trips 7 times)  
bella; thank you th-(gets hit by donut) GO AWAY YOU STUPID DONUT LOVER I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!  
edward; hehehe (runs away)  
emmett; such a disturbed child


	4. revenge, cookies and charlie!

(chapter 4)

bella; drive faster emmett!! the volvo is catching up  
emmett; am trying!! come on betty (speed up to 215 m.p.h)  
bella; when we get there take me to edwards room quick and get me his favourite cd  
emmett; ok (they arrive and run to edwards room)  
bella; gimme the cd quick  
emmett; ok ok here !  
bella; (Takes out lighter)  
(edward burst in )  
edward; NOOOOO NOT MY CLAIRE DE LUNE CD!  
bella; am sorry but this is how it has to be (sets cd on fire)  
edward; NOOOOOOO  
(tries to tackle bella but emmett hold him back)  
bella; watch it burn eddikins  
edward; eddiekins? and it BURNSSS  
bella; firstly a was talkin to tanya on yahoo !!! an of course it burns its on firrreee ! God you are so confusing!  
bella; let him go emmett and take me away!  
edward & emmett; ..............................  
bella; NOW  
emmett; yes miss  
(lets go of edward and grabs bella)

(later on)  
bella; (sharp pain) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (everyone except edward runs in)  
carlisle; bella! whats wrong!  
bella; cassie......hurt  
carlisle; whos cassie  
bella; my...possessed.........teddy ......bear carlisle ; huh?  
bella; my cousin gave me it when i was 3 and everytime something happens to it i get a really bad pain!  
carlisle; (mutters) weird (louder) where is this bear-  
bella; CASSIE!  
carlisle; where is CASSIE  
bella; better question wheres ed- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THAT SON OF A DEAD WOMAN KILLED MY BEAR  
carlisle; huh?  
alice; AHH THE HUH DISEASE RUN AWAY (hides behind plant)  
esme; where did i go wrong?  
bella; emmett take me to my house quickly!  
emmett; yes maam (grabs bella and runs to her house)

bella; in the window quickly  
emmett; (jumps in window with bella)  
bella; HANDS OFF CASSIE DONUT LOVER  
edward; (turns round) hehehe (holds up destroyed cassie)  
bella; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (cries)  
edward; (Throws cookie)  
bella; ahhhhh what the hell i thought you loved donuts?  
edward; i met the cookie monster last night he's my new hommie  
bella; evil!  
emmett; erm bella  
bella; what!  
emmett; can i have that cookie?  
bella; you dont eat human food  
emmett; oh yeh i forgot  
edward; i shall be gone hehehe R.I.P CASSIE  
bella; WATCH OUT EDWARD IF I COULD GET REVENGE ON NINTENDO I CAN DO THE SAME TO YOU MWA HA HA HA HA  
(charlie walks in)  
charlie; whats with all the commotion be- WHY IS ONE OF THE CULLENS IN YOUR ROOM  
bella; OH JESUS  
charlie; (goes to get gun and comes bak) RIGHT CU- Bella?  
bella; (still crying) yes?  
charlie; wheres the cullen boy  
bella; dad did you take your medication this morning  
charlie; ye-ma-co-well..................no  
bella; just as i thought now be gone  
charlie; fine  
(Charlie leaves)  
(emmett walks out cupboard)  
emmett; all come get you tomorrow morning  
bella; 9am sharp! i have a serious matter to discuss  
emmett; of course -laughs-  
bella; - laughs- night close the window on the way out  
emmett; ok oh and bella  
bella; yes?  
emmett; you have a cookie in your hair  
bella; oh jeez


	5. Randomnesss !

(chapter 5) Tm - author xxxx

emmett; (knocks door)  
bella; (opens door) WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN  
emmett; you asked me to be here at 9am  
bella; YES AND ITS 9:01am so explain later we are late enough as it is  
emmett; -sigh-  
(they ride to the cullens house)

bella; CULLEN MEETING RIGHT NOW (everyone arrives)  
bella; i am here to discuss a matter which concerns you all  
alice; (dry sobs) i-i s-still c-cant b-believe h-he d-did t-that  
jasper; shhh its ok (sends calm waves)  
bella; anyway yesterday i found edward destoying my bear it was one of the most horrific experiences ever and i am afraid he has turned to the dark side.  
esme; -dry sobs- what did i do wrong  
bella; nah am kidding but he is now the cookie monsters hommie  
jasper; seriously?  
bella; yipp and carlisle i think i have a concussion  
carlisle; why  
bella; he threw a cookie at me and it hurt!  
everyone; GASP  
bella; where is edward  
rosalie; i think i saw him leave a minute ago sorry  
bella; oh we- (phone rings)

bella; hmm unknown (answers it) hello  
unknown; hello bella  
bella; edward what the hell?  
edward; how did you know  
bella; voice duhh  
edward; anyway i want you to do something for me  
bella; what?  
edward; buy me a new clair de lune cd  
bella; chase yerself  
edward; well i would rethink that (squek)  
bella; is that?  
edward; yes i have squekers hostage  
bella; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
edward; so bring me the cd quick i am not a patient person  
bella; you are very patient?  
edward; oh yeh erm........just bring the cd  
bella; bye (hangs up)

bella; *crys*  
esme; that......that......GRRRRR  
TM; chase that son of a dead chick!  
emmett; haha randum person  
TM; its really not that funny  
emmett; i want a cookie  
TM: dont you listen! you cant have human food  
emmett; *sniffs* meanie just cos you dont want to share  
TM; no emmett i mean it tastes icky to vampires  
emmett; oh right  
TM; there is no hope -dissapears-  
bella; weird (phone beeps)  
bella; its edward (opens text) NOOOOO!!!*cries more* i-ts s-squekers t-tied u-up :((

everyone; GASP!  
bella; sarcastic much!  
carlisle; bella we are concerned  
bella; nu-uh you just want the reward money €  
emmett; well duhh  
bella; I THOUGHT YOU CARED YOU.......YOU VAMPIRE HOBO  
emmett; ouch that hurt.....really *tries to keep straight face*  
bella; GO SHARE SOB STORYS WITH THE HOBOS ! THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY NOW !  
emmett; *throws cookie*  
bella; i really thought you cared *goes to walmart*

(review peeps :D)


	6. claire de loony

Chapter 6!!!

bella; *arrives at walmart**goes to cd section*  
bella; what the frick ?? they have like 10 different versions of clair de loony mad guy; CLAIR DE LUNE bella; contain yerself mad guy; WELL if you did what i asked- i mean erm erm *squek* shhhh bella; *pulls down guys hood* EDWARD WHAT THE FRICK HAVE YOU DONE TO SQUEKERS!  
squekers; *looks dead* squ-ek bellla; I HATE YOU edwaRD; JUST GET ME THE CD bella; WHAT ONE theres like 50 versions or summit edward; -sigh- what?  
bella; look there are loads of versions edward; bella clair de lune is not the same as justin bieber?  
bella; JUSTIN BIEBER WHERE!  
edward; he isn't here bella; then why did you say that you know my life long dream edward; look you can slap justin bieber some other time (a/n- hey i reallly do like justin bieber so dont take offence)  
bella; GASP i thought you said you couldn't read my mind edward; i cant !! god just drop it bella; *drops justin bieber cd*  
edward; i didn't mean- oh never mind here bella; whats here edward; JUST TAKE SQUEKERS bella; *takes squekers* i told you i would beat the muffin/cookie/donut loving ninja squekers squekers; -squek-  
edward; erm bella bella; yes edward; do you want a ride back to mine bella; nope edward; *dazzles* you sure bella; are you on crack i sed no i mean no goodbye edward; stupid powers dont work anymore

*At cullens*  
bella; lalala oohhhh prettty lights *stares*  
*jasper walks in*  
jasper; AHHH the light it burnsss *turns off lights*  
bella; *cries*  
*emmett runs in*  
emmett; i have a plan *sticks a dummy into bella's mouth*  
*she stops crying*  
emmett; watch i put it in bella; (silent)  
emmett; i take it out bella; (starts crying agen)  
jasper; PUT IT BACK IN , PUT IT BACK IN emmett; *puts it back in*  
bella; -silent-  
emmett; see its like a masterpiece jasper; she's quiet its a miracle alice; *walks in* bella, what are you doing jasper; alice no-  
alice; *pulls out dummy* no what?  
bella; *cries*  
emmett& jasper; PUT IT BACK IN, PUT IT BAK IN alice; I'M SORRY *puts it back in*  
emmett; and the human plug strikes agen *edward walks in*  
edward; huh?  
alice;AHHHHHH hu-- oh whats the point i am going shopping -walks away-

*in carlisles study*  
esme; are you sure this room is soundproof carlisle; yes esme; are you blocking your mind carlisle; yes esme; do you remember the plan carlisle; yes esme; are you gay carlisle; yes- wait what!  
esme; kidding!! so you got the number carlisle; yes esme; great...so lets call that therapist. 


	7. theres more to life than a volvo

~~Chapter 7~~

edward;-singing- and i was volvo volvo volvo oh like volvo volvo volvo thought you'd always be mine mine  
bella; edward  
edward'; WHAT!! I MEAN WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAT ME SINGING TO SPARKY  
bella; sparky?  
edward;-in a your dumb voice- my volvo  
bella; dont you use that tone of voice with me mister!  
edward; anwayz .......now am all gone....ahh great song  
bella; edward  
edward; yes  
bella; theres more to life than a volvo  
edward; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I SHALL NOT LISTEN -covers ears-  
bella; i know you can still hear me....anyway everybody knows it  
edward; lying is a bad thing you know  
bella; am telling the truth theres even an advert about it  
edward; GASP.........i dont beleive you  
bella; come and all show you  
~~~ go to living room ~~~  
bella; -presses play  
mad advert; theres more to life than a volvo  
edward; -screams and runs away-  
bella; weird child !!

emmett; hey bella  
bella; hi  
emmett; why is edward screaming  
bella; because he is a weird child like ross the pizza boy.........and because i made him watch the advert that says theres more to life than a volvo  
emmett; -laughs- good one high 5  
bella; -jumps- i.........cant............reach... -pouts-  
emmett; fiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeeee low 5  
bella; (l5)  
emmett; you wanna verse me on the wii  
bella; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..........-runs away and cries-  
emmett; ohhh right ........squekers........the mii .......nintendo ......BELLA COME BACK AM SORRY  
bella; -goes into depression-

~~bella's house~~  
bella; hmm i have an idea -put on thick black eyeliner and black lipstick  
-admires herself in mirror-  
bella; i feel so pretty !

~~goes to cullens house~~  
bella; -sits on couch- hey dudes  
-alice skips in-  
alice; hi bel-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -faints-  
bella; its bella not bellllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh silly  
- jasper zooms in-  
jasper; OMG ALICE!!! -glares-  
bella; - slaps his chest- NO bad jasper!  
jasper; the frick?  
bella; glaring is bad !  
jasper; - walks out -

alice; - wakes up- JAZZY  
jasper; what  
alice; i actually dreamed for once and it was off bella wearin the most terrible make-up and it wasn't even avon or max factor ! it was........asda home made -shudders-  
jasper; that wasn't a dream  
alice; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -faints again-  
jasper; why must she scream in my ear!  
rosalie; hey jasper am goin huntin with emmett you wanna come?  
jasper; YESSSSSSS  
rosalie; cool come on  
jasper; -runs out- am so happ- AH that hurt  
emmett; omg dude i cant believe you just ran into that tree  
rosalie and emmett; -laughs-  
jasper; I HATE YOU ALL  
-runs to his depression rock-  
jasper; i love you depression rock i shall call you jeremia and jeremy for short  
depression rock; -silent-  
jasper; oh fine all find a better name!!


	8. Edwards Journals !

chapter 8

edward; its ok sparky the advert it lies !  
sparky; -silent-  
edward; dont give me the silent treatment  
sparky; -silent-  
edward; Fine! -puts radio on-  
(8) Ridin Solo am Ridin Solo (8)  
edward; am solo am ridin solooooo  
mad voice; No your not  
edward;AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH who's here  
mad voice; its me bella  
edward; WTF bella what you doin here  
bella; look i feel all pretty like with my make-up  
edward; -see's it- AHHHH B'JESUS!  
bella; y-you h-hate i-it?  
edward; .................  
bella; Whats wrong with it?  
edward; more or less whats right with it!  
bella; GASP i hate you Mason  
edward; WTF why use my old name  
bella; cos i wanna  
edward; wait i never told you it how did you know  
bella; me and emmett read your journals  
edward; how many?  
bella; all 183 of them  
edward; i have 184  
bella; i know am reading your last one just now  
edward; OHH GIMME THAT BACK  
bella; nope  
edward; -growls-  
bella; tut tut

-dials number-  
esme; hello dear  
bella; hello erm edward just growled at me and his eyes went that blackish colour  
esme; you should run  
bella; why he will catch me anyway  
esme; its worth a shot  
bella; WTF his eyes went gold agen? weirdo vampire  
esme; your fine then  
bella; aren't you gonna punish him for like growling  
esme; tell him hes grounded and i shall sing tinie tempah in my head all week  
-in background-  
edward; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
bella; am guessing he hates that song?  
esme; yes  
bella; excellent  
-HANGS UP-  
edward; - mumbles- evil child  
bella; aww i love you too

-later that day-  
bella; you should have seen edwards face shame i never had a camera  
emmett; i can imagine it haha  
bella; emmett  
emmett; yes  
bella; lets sing a song he hates really loudly  
emmett; yes -starts thinking-  
bella; we have to be quick edwards is only at the store hmmm  
emmett; I GOT ONE  
bella; oohh tell me  
emmett; well he hates that new song candy by kimberly wyatt and aggro santos  
bella; HE WHAT! thats like the best song ever!  
emmett; ano he also hates roll deep - good times  
bella; HE IS A WEIRDO THOSE SONGS ARE FANTASTIC !  
emmett; ano sake i think he ate too many smarties when he was younger  
bella; ?  
emmett; you wouldn't understand  
bella; ok so edward should be back shortly and we can sing those two songs  
emmett; ok eddie shall never diss good songs again  
-edward walks in-  
edward; why wont i ever diss good songs again  
bella; ABORT MISSION QUICKLY  
emmett; EMMETT TO THE RESCUE  
-grabs bella and runs-

-at bella's house-  
bella; here are the cd's and the lyric sheets so everyone except edward can sing!  
emmett; good this is gonna rock yo socks  
bella; no emmett thats just wrong on sooooooooo many levels  
emmett; i feel so unloved  
bella; YOU TALKIN TO ME  
emmett; no  
bella;oh well then carry on  
emmett; BELLA DUCK  
bella -ducks-  
emmett; that was fast..... impressive  
bella; why am i ducking  
emmett; it was a drill for if edward throws anything else at you  
bella; i see good point .........hmmmmm  
emmett; what the hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm for  
bella; dramatic affect :D  
emmett; ok then  
bella; i will be at yours for 10am tomorrow and we shall sing at 10:30am  
emmett; ok

-during the night-  
bella; -wakes up- AHHHH evil cats  
-puts on light-

edward; hello bella bella; AHHHHHHHHHHH STALKER  
edward; calm down i just want my diary  
bella; pfft i finished that like 6 hours ago edward; so you know my deepest secret  
bella; its not that big a secret  
edward; it is  
bella; not  
edward; seriously nobody must know  
bella; THEN LEAVE EVIL STALKER GUY!  
edward; wheres the diary!  
bella; i gave it to jacob to watch so you couldn't get it  
edward; YOU EVIL LITTLE- KNOW WHAT -throws apple-  
bella; -ducks on time- I've had lessons with emmett so HA  
edward; AHH WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE!  
-runs away-  
bella; more or less whats WRONG with him !!  
-goes back to sleep-


	9. Singing!

chapter 9

bella; you ready emmett  
emmett; on the count of 3 ..............1, 2, 3!  
b EDDDDWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD  
edward; WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT  
bella; HIT IT EMMETT  
-music starts playing-  
bella- kimberly wyatt bits , emmett- aggro santos bits

x2 Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some Candy Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha CANDY

Hot girl your doing it well the way your hips move got me under a spell,  
Right now i dont really care whos watching,  
i wanna dance all night long no stopping,  
You you, you yeah You pretend theyre not here just do what you do,  
ima kick back cos i got a nice view,  
wow it feels like a dejavu,

Aggro:  
Girl You look familiar where do i know you from,  
have you been to visit me

Kim:  
Step in too my world i am sure you want to come,  
check my facebook, i got pictures ima give you some,

Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some Candy Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha CANDY

Aggro Portuguese bridge:  
Ela e bela, ja era, eu quero da pra ela Ela e bela, ja era, eu quero da pra ela Ela e bela, ja era, eu quero da pra ela Ela e bela, ja era, eu quero da pra ela PRONTO

A sweet touch comes handy man,  
dont be afraid of the candy man,  
I got a sweet tooth now i want a sweet girl,  
n were straight up if we do kiss we do tell You you, you yeah You pretend theyre not here just do what you do,  
ima kick back cos i got a nice view,  
wow it feels like a dejavu,

Aggro:  
Girl You look familiar where do i know you from,  
have you been to visit me

Kim:  
Step in too my world i am sure you want to come,  
check my facebook, i got pictures ima give you some,

Aggro:  
Girl You look familiar where do i know you from,  
have you been to visit me The way that this is going you are gonna get me sprung,  
cos your love is sweet like candy and i Want me Some

x2 Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some Candy Ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha some, Candy Ooo ooo Come n getcha some come n getcha CANDY

edward; e-evil l-little :(  
bella; oh but honey we're not done yet  
emmett; dont look so sad bro we love ya really  
edward; just get this evilness over with

bella- jodie conner , emmett- wiley (roll deep)

[Jodie Connor]  
I'm gonna leave the day behind Don't you worry 'cause I'm gonna have a real good time

[Wiley]  
We're gonna have a real good time

[Jodie Connor]  
I'm gonna leave the world outside Spend my money 'Cause it's gonna be a real good night

[Wiley]  
We're gonna have a real good night Let's go late night shopping High street bopping Let's go West End clubbing Champagne popping Let's keep it rocking Party ain't stopping Let's keep it, keep it rocking Party ain't stopping

...

[Jodie Connor]  
9 to 5 (oh oh)  
When it's over I can come alive (oh oh)  
I'm in the mood to live a higher life (oh oh)  
Now when the DJ drops the subli mine I'll be satisfied

[Chorus]  
[Jodie Connor]  
I'm gonna leave the day behind Don't you worry 'cause I'm gonna have a real good time

[Wiley]  
We're gonna have a real good time

[Jodie Connor]  
I'm gonna leave the world outside Spend my money 'Cause it's gonna be a real good night

[Wiley]  
We're gonna have a real good night

bella; TA-DA  
emmett; -bows-  
edward; -dry sobs-  
bella; he's actually crying OMG i-i just want a moment to thank everyone so a big shout out to the rest of the cullens and charlie for letting me live with him :D  
edward; YOU ARE A MESSED UP CHILD!  
bella; GASP  
emmett; come on bella he obviously dosen't appreciate your coolness cause he knows his best friend is his volvo  
b THERES MORE TO LIFE THAN A VOLVO  
edward; AHHHHHHHHHH -runs away-  
bella; hahaha emmett; never gets old  
-knocks over vase-  
esme; EMMETT CULLEN YOU CLEAN UP THIS MESS RIGHT NOW  
bella; sumbody's iin trou-ble  
emmett; -sticks tongue out- YESS MUMMY


	10. Dont mess with rosalie's makeup

CHAPTER 10

rosalie; hmm where did i put him e  
mmett; put who where  
rosalie; Nathan )  
emmett; WHO's NATHAN!  
rosalie; my make up bag )  
emmett; ohh...well.......carry on -walks out-  
rosalie; OOHHH found him hehehe  
edward; Rosalie i do not like the evil laugh or the fact that your mind is blocked  
rosalie; oh its only blocked cause i wanna do something  
edward; and that would be ?  
rosalie; THIS -sprays fake tan on him-  
edward; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
rosalie; -grabs nathan and fake tan- MWA HA HA HA HA -runs away-  
edward; GRR -throws cookie-  
rosalie; you'll never get me aliv- AHHH  
edward; ha!  
rosalie; this is why i always use the alive part! :(

emmett; BUBBLES  
rosalie; what the feck emmett?  
emmett; i have bubbles!!! -pulls out tub of bubbles and starts blowing bubbles-  
rosalie; fascinating really :/  
-bella walks in-  
bella; OMV!  
jasper; what?  
bella; it means oh my vampire!  
jasper; erm excellent  
bella; I KNOW RIGHT? oh and BUBBLES :D  
emmett; bubbles bubbles you're the best, unless you ruin alices dress if you do she'll kill me, and i shall re-die painfully  
bella; -claps- EXCELLENT!  
jasper; Boo hated it  
bella; SHUT UP YOU GODDAMN EMO  
alice; YO DONT DIS-RESPECT MY MAN  
bella; I SHALL break your straightners!  
alice; LEAVING........-leaves-  
bella; haha i can over-rule da pixie nobody is safe anymore :)

rosalie; right nathan time to see the kids -opens nathan-  
okay so we have:  
ellie & kelly --mascara's  
nikkie -- lipstick  
ross -- conceiler  
aiden -- eyeliner  
mark -- lipgloss  
josh -- blusher and lastly....OME WHERES AMBER!  
EMMETTTTTTTTT  
emmett; what dear  
rosalie; wheres amber  
emmett; i dunno i think i saw edward with her  
rosalie; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -dials edwards number-  
edward; oh hello i was just about to phone you  
rosalie; GIVE ME AMBER...............NOW  
edward; now now you sprayed me with fake tan i am only getting even  
rosalie; but amber is my favourite travel mirror  
edward; you lost a mirror i look and feel all un-natural like  
rosalie; oh build a bridge and get over it now.... AMBER HAND HER OVER  
edward; only if you get me tickets to a justin bieber concert  
rosalie; *crosses fingers behind back* FINE i just want amber  
edward; okay come to the back of mcdonalds and i shall give you amber  
rosalie; GASP NEVER you come home so we can order the tickets  
edward; okay bye -hangs up-  
rosalie; -hangs up-

-edward bursts in front door and runs to rosalie's room-  
edward; ROSALIE ROSALIE ROSALIE ROSALIE  
rosalie; what?  
edward; I AM HERE  
rosalie; yes i noticed  
edward; why aren't you happy  
rosalie; Because its been 46 seconds and I STIL HAVENT GOT AMBER BACK  
edward; here -hands it over-  
rosalie; its okay amber i got you back from the mean man yes i did !  
edward; ?  
rosalie; next time scream and i shall kill him  
edward; -sigh-  
rosalie; SHUP no not you sweetie of you go with nathan -puts amber in make-up bag-

edward; CAN WE ORDER THE TICKETS NOW  
rosalie; theres no point  
edward; why?  
rosalie; one sec -locks nathan in a drawer and hids key-  
edward; welll...........why not  
rosalie; he's been sold out for 3 months  
edward; WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!  
rosalie; woah woah woah make-up before family  
edward; evil  
rosalie; aww thank you  
edward; -mumbles- all just dazzle them aff peeps  
rosalie; have fun doin that  
edward; yeh yeh yeh -walks away-

bella; ALICE THE BLOOD  
alice; -hands over cup of blood-  
-jasper runs in-  
bella; NO JASPER THIS IS FOR EMMETT  
emmett; ok so what do i do  
bella; drink the blood  
emmett; -drinks blood-  
bella; i now pronounce you emmett the great  
emmett; yayy  
bella; here is your sword  
emmett; its plastic  
bella; so its still a sword or would you like a lightsaver  
emmett; can i have both  
bella; okay what colour lightsaver  
emmett; green  
bella; ok -hands over blue one-  
emmett; i asked for a GREEN one  
bella; you didn't  
emmett; did  
bella; didn't  
emmett; did  
bella; WE DONT HAVE ANY FECKIN GREEN ONES OKAY SO YOU TAKE A BLUE ONE OR YOU DONT GET ONE AT ALL  
emmett; erm.............oh i smell grizzly's BYE  
bella; he knows better  
alice; -backs away-  
bella; did i say you were dismissed pixie  
alice; noooooo.  
bella; then coke NOW  
alice; yes miss - gets coke-  
bella; AHHHHHHHHHH  
alice; -in mind- please say she's fainted  
bella; THERE ARE NO ICE CUBES IN THIS JUICE  
alice; -in mind- damn -out loud- sorry miss how many  
bella; 3 NOW  
alice; -does this-  
bella; ALICE  
alice; yeh  
bella; do you like that band connected from britains got talent  
alice; who's connected  
bella; AHHHHH GO AWAY LEAVE QUICKLY !  
alice; sorry bye - runs away-  
bella; MUST. LISTEN. TO. CONNECTED.

carlisle; bella why are you rolling on the floor  
bella; A-ALICE D-DOSENT K-KNOW W-WHO C-CONNECTED A-ARE!  
carlisle; who the heck are connected  
bella; the band from britains got talent  
carlisle; nope never heard of them  
bella; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
carlisle; leaving leaving leaving leaving -he leaves-  
bella; -plays connected on youtube- that connected beatches :)  
rosalie; OME IS THAT CONNECTED!  
bella; FINALLY SOMEBODY WHO UNDERSTANDS!  
rosalie; OME i love them  
bella; see i always knew you were my favourite sister  
alice; -runs in- YOU DONT MEAN THAT  
bella; oh but i do  
alice; -dry sobs-  
bella; oh alice am sorry i didn't mean it  
alice; YAYY -runs away-  
bella; my emotions felt weird there.......JASPER  
jasper; MWA HA HA HA HA  
bella; -gets out to-do list- must kill emotion controller emo !  
jasper; -sigh- buzzkill


	11. MINE MINE MINE

Chapter 11

bella;.....................  
squekers;...............  
esme;?  
bella; HA MOTHERFUDGER YOU BLINKED FIRST  
esme; BELLA!  
bella; sorry mum  
squekers; -squek-  
bella; Shup i still won so HA!  
squekers; -squek squek squek -  
bella; STOP MOCKING ME ! -runs away-  
esme; weird child  
squekers; -SQUEK-  
esme; sorry

*jasper runs in*  
jasper; WHO DID IT  
emmett; did what  
jasper; oh you know what you did that was done that i am sayin someone did and dont deny it cos you did it  
alice; that made no sense  
jasper; whatever! EMMETT HAND OVER MY GOD DAMN ARMY FLAG BEFORE I USE YOU TO DEMONSTRATE HOW TO GET RID OF A VAMPIRE!  
emmett; why would you need to demonstrate i alredy know !  
jasper; SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP ...............hand over the flag  
emmett; i dont have it  
jasper; i am giving you to the count of 3  
*alice runs in with flag*  
alice; hi honey  
jasper; my flag!  
alice; noooooooooooooo...............my flag MINE  
jasper;................no no no its mine  
alice; MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE ITS ALL MINE  
*carlisle appears*  
carlisle; OH NO its the mine faze i have dreaded it for soo long !  
jasper; i just want my flag i dont care about the mine faze  
carlisle; *stares wide eyed* YOU DONT RESPECT ME ! *runs away*  
esme; see what you do ! last time you did this he didn't come back for a week !  
jasper; that was 3 decades ago get over it woman  
esme; no excuses young man off to bed now  
jasper; *whiney voice* BUT I WANT MY FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  
esme; well go get it  
jasper; oh yayy

*alice's Lair*  
jasper; OH ALICCEE  
alice; MINEEEEEEE  
jasper; gimme the flag  
alice; *songish* want it , cant have it ~ want it cant have it !  
jasper; *has a tantrum*  
esme; CALM DOWN  
jasper; I WANT MY FLAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  
esme; we can get it later  
jasper; I WANT IT NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!  
esme; that is IT! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR A WEEK!  
jasper; my life its ruined  
alice; *mumbles* want it cant have it  
jasper; THATS IT RAAWWWWRRRR  
alice; *screams* *runs away.................with flag*  
*Edward walks in*  
edward; i shall not tolerate this behaviour  
esme; excuse moi?  
edward; not you mother  
esme; oh well carry on ... JASPER DONT EAT THE PASTE  
jasper; FINEEEE  
esme; *leaves*  
edward; JASPER I MEAN COME ON I WAS MAKING BLUEPRINTS AND THEY WHERE GOING PERFECT AND THEN I GOT FRUSTRATED BECAUSE OF YOU AND NOW MY BLUEPRINTS AND DESK AND PENCIL ARE TORN TO PIECES SO THANKS!  
jasper; your welcome bro  
edward; *growls*  
jasper; RAWR to you too  
edward; *mumbles* at least alice never stole my flag  
jasper; I HATE YOU *dry sobs in corner*  
edward; he he he thats what you get for ruinin my blue prints

emmett; what do you see oh mystic one  
alice; NOTHING CRYSTAL BALLS DONT WORK OKAY!  
emmett; they do  
alice; dont  
emmett; why wont you do this one thing for me ?  
alice; because i do not believe in your stupid crystal balls  
emmett; you have betrayed me  
alice; *smashes crystal ball*  
emmett; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
alice; ha  
emmett; i am going to rename myself.................................Jeffrey  
alice; no the crystal ball dosent predict that  
emmett; you ruined crystal balls for me you evil pixie!  
alice; -sigh-  
emmett; its not my fault they just announced that the mall closes an hour earlier on sundays !  
alice; THEY WHAT!  
emmett; I SAID THE MALL CLOSES EARLIER ON SUNDAYS  
alice; this cant be happening ..........nooooooooooooooooooooo *dry sobs*  
jasper; *creeps in* *goes to steal flag*  
alice; MINE *grabs it and runs*  
jasper; *singing* oh its not fair and i think youre really mean i think you're really mean, i think you're really mean you're supposed to care but all you do is take yes all you do is take  
alice; SHUUSSHHH

rosalie; -looks in mirror- ahh oh perfect mirror  
mirror; you are not the fairest of them all  
rosalie; -gasp- who is  
mirror; isabella swan  
rosalie; NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anyone but her  
mirror; i am sorry but alas it is true  
rosalie; but why her !  
mirror; why you askin me i dont make the rules sheesh  
rosalie; so what do i do  
mirror; idk? tie her in the basement?  
rosalie; OK BYE!  
mirror; hmmmm thats a pretty handbag  
roslaie; *rushes back* but thats bella's !  
mirror; i am dreadfully sorry rosalie but............you aint got no swagger girl  
rosalie; W-T-F  
mirror; -sigh- just leave NOW please  
rosalie; *grumbles* fine -leaves-  
emmett; *comes out from behind mirror* i must do that more often ahaha  
alice; imbossile  
emmett; YOU TALKIN TO ME  
alice; YESSSSSSS EMMETT  
emmett; JEFFREY  
alice; weirdo  
emmett; pixie  
alice; RAWR  
emmett; you dont scare me oh little one  
alice; *holds up stuffed unicorn* i shall rip it  
emmett; NO NOT PETUNIA  
alice; i thought you called it jemima  
emmett; no jasper killed jemima thats petunia  
alice; *Rips it up*  
emmett; NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I SHALL GET REVENGE  
alice; sure you will  
emmett; you just watch me alice; i alredy did and guess what you fail  
emmett; EVIL  
alice; oh and emmett  
emmett; what!  
alice; next time buy a unicorn ith styyyyllleeee  
emmett; -sigh- evil little lepracon


End file.
